I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize