oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize