Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
