what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
