2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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