Swine flu. Run for my life!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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