I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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