an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
