i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
