if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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