I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
