Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
