some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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