we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
