I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
