Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
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I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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