Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
