Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
