I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
