Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
