just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
