god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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