You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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