hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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