She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
