I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
