So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
