Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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