dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
