areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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