I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
