What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
