escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
