dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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