this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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