Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
