you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
