I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
