Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
