you would pick up someone in the library
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
