you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
