5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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