awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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