I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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