So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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