White coat. Heels.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
