i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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