Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
