pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
