I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
