You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
