found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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