Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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