shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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