he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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